Someone showed me a video of a 4 year old girl waxing eloquent on resolutions. She had some good things to say. And she said them very cutely. Maybe you’ve seen it, too.
I’m not a big fan of resolutions. They seem a bit blowy. Kind of like a balloon and then they’re gone. At least, that’s my personal experience with resolutions.
Five years ago, this week, I joined Weight Watchers online. I was obese and needed to lose weight, but that’s not why I joined. I joined because I had greatly reduced my sugar intake just before Thanksgiving. I was trying to follow some guidelines for managing sugar addiction. Although I needed to lose weight, I didn’t know if I could. I wanted to make sure I ate enough so my metabolism wouldn’t go into a calorie hoarding mode. I used to consume a ton of sugar calories, so this was a real concern.
A book I read, Potatoes Not Prozac, had validated my decades old suspicions that I was like an alcoholic with sugar. I wanted an easy place to track my food and how I was feeling. Back then, Weight Watchers had a blogging community and it was a safe place for me to write and interact with other people as I tried to keep from eating between meals. Weight Watchers Points system had worked for me to lose weight previously and even though I had always gained the weight back, I trusted the tools. I was joining to USE the tools. That was a huge difference from prior times of joining to be ON Weight Watchers. As if it were a diet.
I wrote blogs about how I was feeling. I also explored words and concepts from different angles. I liked the try angle that produced results in: Oo! I wasn’t sure what to do with the o’s, but then I thought they’d make a good cheer for “results in:”. Could I call them Cheery O’s? I know when I work my sugar management tools I’m much cheerier. Sugar has a big impact on my mood. And it’s not cheery.
It was a year or so after I started blogging that I recognized the other ways to see resolutions. Perhaps it’s fitting that I added a colon. My initial detox from sugar was in conjunction with a colonoscopy.
I’ve struggled with grazing since I got home from the two weddings in November. I regained control went I went on a road trip with my mother in December. We traveled a round trip of just under 1000 miles in a day and a half. And when my husband and I went on a ski trip to Vermont last week, I did very well with just three meals a day. I felt good and my weight wasn’t an issue. I think it has to do with days that don’t have as much structure. Sugar structure resolutions down. Or something. Lack of sleep doesn’t help.
I also made the mistake of reading an article claiming there is no such thing as sugar addiction. I know, for me, that addiction is the proper word to describe what happens with me and sugar (and anything that breaks down to sugar) when I don’t manage it by paying attention to how I feel. Whether it is a psychological thing or a physiological thing, I don’t think it matters. I wrote a little ditty early on: There’s science and data and all kinds of facts, but the proof that helps me is in how I acts.
Sometimes words are poisonous. And other times it might be people. Or circumstances. But when I am in control of my tools, I’m good. Three meals a day, with protein. Tracking what I eat. Writing how I feel. No grazing. Taking a multivitamin. Drinking enough liquids. Exercising. I pay attention to reality. I eat fuelishly. And I don’t miss the things that make me feel lousy. But sometimes I slip. I feel thankful that I can recognize the slip fairly quickly. And I know what I have to do. I don’t have to beat myself up. That doesn’t work. I just have to work at following my guidelines again. Sometimes it means changing up mealtimes. Sometimes it means eating a lot a meals. Sometimes I can turn myself around in a day. And sometimes it takes a few days. Or weeks.
I’m reminded of an invaluable comment a dear friend left on another blog post. It’s okay. It is okay. Because I crave healthy more than I crave out of control. I can still remember the sugar rush and crash from eating a simply caramel candy bar over a year ago. Outright sugar doesn’t tempt me. But a dinner roll can, even thought it’s pretty much the same in my system.
I’m doing better today. I went to an exercise class this morning. Then I went grocery shopping. I managed to hold off lunch until 11:15. And then I managed to hold off supper until 4:30. I had just come home from getting my windshield replaced. I’d avoided stopping at any stores because I felt the addiction calling. I was drinking white chocolate seltzer and feeling like part of me wanted to cave to grazing and part of me wanted to hold on to using my tool of no grazing. I actually think it was the sugar monster wanting to come out of its cave and make me cave. (It helps to personify sugar.)
I have to go out again. But I’m done eating for today. It feels good. It feels like me. The point of this blog post? Positive reinforcement for me. And perhaps it will result in: Cheery O’s for you.
How do you feel about resolutions?
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