Today is a big day for the sugar industry. The trick or treat holiday has a big push on to try to get as much sugar in d’us. (in-dus-try) That’s part of my past. The past tries have been successful. And made me feel full of failure. And not only on October 31, but also on the days following with the clearance bins full of candy bargains. Except they weren’t bar gains. I’d always gain. My sugar highs and then at the scale. Only to feel the fail. Again and a gain.
I’ve made some gains in my mind since paying attention to what I eat and how I feel. I can pass the pasties and see how sugar lies. I don’t need the tries. I’ve been there, done that, and don’t miss the cravings (or excess pounds) that I have to deal with when sugar is in control. That’s that. Accepting the truth of my sugar addiction has helped me adapt to a different paradigm regarding food. I don’t have to pay attention to the lies sugar tells me. “Oh, just a little won’t hurt.” “It’s not as bad as you remember it.” and “Other people can stop at one or two. Are you really that different/special/weak/flawed?” No. I can pay attention to how I feel and how I felt. I’ll have control over my impulses and healthy, please!
I don’t live in a vacuum. People around me are not addicted to sugar. And I enjoy cooking and baking. It’s a crEATive outlet that I still enjoy, but I leave the eat part to the word and people who can handle it. I don’t eat them. And I’m fine with that. I don’t know when that actually happened. But I’ve been working at it for almost five years. And I’ll keep working at it. Remembering. And being thankful that I don’t want sugarlies.
I made sopapillas last night. It was a curiosity thing after a discussion we had at lunch time dessert. I had made no sugar added baked apples and a separate crisp topping for the folks who could eat sugar. I also made whipped cream and flavored it with honey, ginger, and vanilla. That’s where the sopapilla talk started. I guess the honey and cream and spices of the apples evoked a memory that was dear to the two people who knew about them.
So last night, we had supper and sopapillas. Well, the part of the sopapillas I had was making them, looking at them, smelling them, and hearing the sounds of people eating them. I had leftover baked apples. And I was satisfied.