Whatcha June? Ate? (Written on 6/8/2017)

Whatcha June? Ate? (Written on 6/8/2017)

It’s one of those days. I was making my smoothie this morning. Fresh ginger. Fresh mint (picked from my back yard moments earlier). Frozen mango. Whey powder. Acacia Fiber. Chia (good chia). Baby spinach. Grapefruit seltzer. MCT oil (that’s Medium-chain triglyceride derived from coconut oil). As I poured the green goodness into my quart-sized canning jar, I thought it resembled a shamrock shake. Continue reading “Whatcha June? Ate? (Written on 6/8/2017)”

Stressed:dessertS

Stressed:dessertS

The solution to stressed is not desserts. it’s a backwards approach at best. Unless it is simply to back away without caving to the test. Turning to food like a numbing drug is not the answer I know. Give me a run or a paper and pun. ‘Tis a vent so I don’t have to blow. That imag’ry conjures the thought of a whale–the size I approached e’re I’m Possible tale. Ive used AAA to change my attire. From Michelin padded to thin as a wire*. With the Weight Watchers tools and some bright line rules. Awareness, Acceptance, Adapting. No fools.

Stress is a matter of fact part of life. It can’t be knocked out with a spoon fork or knife. Just dealt with: good choices for heart healthy life..

* poetic license. I’m not as thin as a wire, but I wear size small!

I wrote this post with a Weight Watchers prompt. It could seem like it’s all about prose. If you read with a beat, you might find it neat: an amateur poem’s how it goes.

I’m on my way to Denver and then to my daughter’s new home. Where she lives with her hubby, (neither is chubby) in the land where buffalo roam.

I’m leaving New England in winter clothes–landing in Laramie where it still snows.

I’m going to visit a week and a day. I hope to see deer and antelope play!

My plan is to eat three meals a day, drink lots of water, and see brand new hay. I’ll help paint some rooms, shovel some snow and look for spring’s blooms.

I’ll write and take pictures but don’t know if I’ll post. Wyoming’s cell service is scanter than most.

And now it’s time for airplane mode.  I have a 5 hour layover in Denver. Feel ftee to comment. I’ll respond!

Stressed:dessertS

Stressed:dessertS

The solution to stressed is not desserts. it’s a backwards approach at best. Unless it is simply to back away without caving to the test. Turning to food like a numbing drug is not the answer I know. Give me a run or a paper and pun. ‘Tis a vent so I don’t have to blow. That imag’ry conjures the thought of a whale–the size I approached e’re I’m Possible tale. Ive used AAA to change my attire. From Michelin padded to thin as a wire*. With the Weight Watchers tools and some bright line rules. Awareness, Acceptance, Adapting. No fools.
Stress is a matter of fact part of life. It can’t be knocked out with a spoon fork or knife. Just dealt with: good choices for heart healthy life..
* poetic license. I’m not as thin as a wire, but I wear size small!

I wrote this post with a Weight Watchers prompt. It could seem like it’s all about prose. If you read with a beat, you might find it neat: an amateur poem’s how it goes.

I’m on my way to Denver and then to my daughter’s new home. Where she lives with her hubby, (neither is chubby) in the land where buffalo roam.

I’m leaving New England in winter clothes–landing in Laramie where it still snows.

I’m going to visit a week and a day. I hope to see deer and antelope play!

My plan is to eat three meals a day, drink lots of water, and see brand new hay. I’ll help paint some rooms, shovel some snow and look for spring’s blooms.

I’ll write and take pictures but don’t know if I’ll post. Wyoming’s cell service is scanter than most.

And now it’s time for airplane mode.  I have a 5 hour layover in Denver. Feel ftee to comment. I’ll respond!

Justavocation.

There are several definitions for vocation, but the one I’m thinking of works for me. Simply put: a trade or profession. I trade off sugar because I’m a sugar addict. I prefer to feel healthy and in control of what I eat. I like to have impulse controls and I like to have mental clarity as much as I can.

I’ve played on justification with justavacation, but it occurred to me recently, that I just need to work the tools that work for me so I don’t trade off my good health for feeling lousy. Justavocation. Staying away from sugar is not deprivation. Eating sugar deprives me of feeling good in the long run. Well, actually, I don’t know that I could run when I was on sugar so perhaps it’s more accurate to say it deprives me of the long run!

Some folks might have noticed I haven’t been writing much in the past week. And it’s showing up in the present–weak. I went to a lecture at my library last Tuesday. It was about emotional eating and food addiction. I told the presenter that it was very validating for me. I shared my book and she took a picture of the title. I felt good.

I also weighed in and got my free eTools voucher from Weight Watchers last week. I hadn’t weighed in during January, but I paid my dues in February, used the tools that worked for me and managed to be free on the last day of the month. I showed a three pound loss from the week before, but in reality, I had gained twenty pounds between the end of November and the middle of January. Emotional eating. It happened. I got enough control to  get back in my healthy weight range without dieting. I felt good about that, too.

I thought I was back in control, but a couple of things happened. I chose to make some gluten free chocolate biscotti out of nut flours and monk fruit with erythritol (a zero calorie, zero glycemic index sweetener). I was curious to see how they would turn out. And I was curious enough to try one for breakfast the morning after I made them. I took it as a win that I didn’t eat one outside of a meal. And I took it as a win that I was able to stop after one. (They weren’t that great–very dry and not very sweet. But they were edible.)

And then I had two for dessert that night. And more for breakfast the next day. And lunch time. I still wasn’t eating them between meals, so I thought I was fine. But then I realized I was looking for a hit of sweet–like a drug. I packed them up and sent them to someone who would have better control. I knew they were fine with erythritol as a sweetener. And I knew they could crumble up the biscotti for plant food or something if they didn’t like it!

Lesson learned: Curiosity can sometimes kill more than a cat. Sometimes it’s a catastrophe and fixing it seems to be impossible. I’m working on making it a catapostrophe to get back to my I’m Possible self.

The other things that happened were family and friends related. Most, if not all, of the situations were beyond my control. But there was a certain sadness that seemed to overwhelm me. I’m not proud to say, but I’m honestly saying, I turned to the numbing effect of eating between meals. Food, even food without sugar, has some numbing qualities. But the problem with using food like that, is that it takes more and more to numb. And when I stopped, the thing I didn’t want to feel was still there. But added to it was the problem of excess weight, inflammation, exhaustion, and a need to detox.

Yesterday, I knew I was in a really bad place when I bought and ate dates and nuts with no hunger involved. Just an out of control craving for numbness.

I’m not inclined to go into great personal details here. But I know that part of my weakness and caving to food was a result of not writing about how I was feeling. Not here. Not on Weight Watchers. Not on Facebook. Shame on me. That’s what I thought it would be. But I’m realizing, again, that honesty is the best policy.

My body tracks every thing I do with great precision. My brain doesn’t always keep up. Or want to keep up. The ostrich effect just gets sand in my eyes and adds to the problem. To quote a dear friend, “It’s okay.” I’m a work in progress. And that’s a hopeful thing. (It’s seems more hopeful than a work in congress.)

It’s also okay that I feel sad about some things. Even when there are happy parts, too. I think I need to feel it all in perspective. Denying sadness can prevent healing. Reality balance is important. It’s valid. And when I deny it, I think I feel invalid. Sick. Being out of balance gives an advantage to the addiction and that’s not what I want. I do think it’s helpful to try to keep a positive outlook. But I also know that sometimes I’m sad. And it’s okay.

I saw a meme a few weeks ago: I found it here My track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good.:   I think about the idea often. I don’t know if I’ve given the proper credit, but if you follow the blue link, it will take you to Pinterest.

So back to honesty being the best policy. Honest Tea. I’m going to drink it between meals if I feel hungry today. Police-why. It’s a safety thing. Justification for managing my sugar addiction? Justavocation. It works for me.

I feel like I’m on the write track again.

Speaking of tracks, pretty soon I’m going to write about my skiing lesson at Schweitzer Mountain. Taking a stance, balance, and cutting edge stuff. All things that help me manage my addiction. Stay tuned.

 

 

 

Sweet Potato and Cinnamon.

Sweet Potato and Cinnamon.

Yesterday, when I opened the fridge to figure out my breakfast, the first thing I saw was half of a leftover baked sweet potato.20170207_072318 I took it out along with a single egg and started an experiment. Muffin doing.

I peeled the skin off the potato, mashed the innards and cracked the egg into my cereal bowl.20170207_072403
Then I measured in a tablespoon of MCT oil, 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon, 1/2 tsp vanilla extract, a pinch of freshly ground celtic sea salt (any salt would do–well, maybe not Epsom salt) and 1/2 tsp baking powder.  Then I mixed in a  scoop of Whey to Go unsweetened protein powder. 20170207_072846Once I had that all mixed up, I sprayed a little larger bowl with cooking spray and poured the batter in the greased bowl. I microwaved on high for 2-3 minutes, until the top was set. I  think the muffin I had this morning could have been nuked a bit longer because there was a little dimple of uncooked batter when I turned the muffin out on a plate. 20170207_074625.jpgMy experience with whey powder in microwaved muffins is that a little underdone is better than feeling like I’m eating a cellulose sponge more suited to washing a car than fueling me for breakfast.

This blog post is another experiment. If I have successfully done it, there will be more pictures than usual. I’ve invited my Weight Watchers Connect friends to visit and get the recipe for a picture I posted.

Welcome to new readers! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to reach out to me here or on my Facebook page “The I’m Possible Journey”. Thanks for visiting. Best wishes to you!

Compass ion.

Compass ion.

I was thinking about compassion. And then I looked at the word again. Compass ion. What direction am I charging? Is there a negative or a positive trend? Proton or electron? (That sounds a bit, to me, like a weighty matter or a California governor campaign button in 1966.)  I’m not a physics major. Or even a physics minor. There wasn’t much chemistry when it came to me taking those courses. Right now, I’m writing myself out of charging to my fridge to have a snack that I really don’t need or want. And this is what I have to write about.

The picture above is full of irony. (I think that’s the right term–I have a few wrinkles in my literary department.) The ski jacket was full (and almost bursting) of me. I was obese, heading in the wrong direction (uphill and into the woods) at a ski resort named Sugarbush. I have nothing against the resort. It’s a great ski place in Vermont. I didn’t know at the time that I was a sugar addict. When I found out and started learning how to manage it, I chose this picture as my profile on my Weight Watchers blog. That blog has since been dismantled, but now I have this blog and here I am.

Since this blog is an outlet for me in my sugar addiction management, it seems appropriate to write about stuff whether it hertz or not. (Ooooch. That hertz a little.)

Sometimes I refer to myself as Moo-reen when I’ve been having trouble with grazing. (The effects of me eating like a cow tend to make me feel like a cow–getting ready for market. Some people do well to eat often. But I’ve proved, many times, that I don’t do well or feel well eating often. I need start and stop times for eating.  I also need a decent amount of time in between sessions. I can justify extended stop times enough to drag a “meal” out for an hour or more. Or I can try to convince myself a planned snack is starting and stopping. But then the planned snacks tend to start and stop minutes apart all afternoon. I do what works for me to feel healthy. Three meals a day with protein. No grazing. It’s a positive thing for me.

Back to the physics. If I attempt to write about compass ion, would it be appropriate to call myself μ-reen? Well, I don’t know if Mu has much to do with ions, but a quick look on Yahoo answers gave me a reason to use it: reduced mass in the two-body problem  I used to fill out an extra large men’s ski jacket. And then I reduced my mass. The following picture is the resulting two-body solution:

twoxlski
The jacket was sold as a three in one system (fleece liner, outer shell, or used together), but after I shrunk myself, we were able to get two in one!  I’m sharing it with my daughter.

I don’t know much about physics but I live it every day. Time and space and distance while working or at play. Over most of it I really don’t have very much control. And in cases of my clutter drawer, I’m seeing a black hole. It doesn’t really matter if I know the nuts and bolt. But a certain lack of knowledge could cause a major jolt. I play with words and blog my thoughts to keep me back from sweets. There’s an “eat” in creativity I think is rather neats. And when I would go off the rails and eat my way to dinner. I’m writing my way instead, on here. I will emerge a winner.

Okay. Back to compass ion. I enjoyed thinking about positivity and negativity and which direction I tend to go. When my inner compass is calibrated right, I can see and feel positives better. When sugar, or something else, has compromised my thoughts and body, I tend to be more negative and sluggish. (I’m not making grand statements about slugs, but I just realized they shrink from the salt of the earth.)

I did look at a YouTube video about positive and negative charge, or ions. I found it interesting to be reminded that neutral objects can be polarized when they’re next to positive or negatively charged ions. I prefer the idea of polarization as it concerns Polar flavored seltzers mixed in green smoothies. But the idea of attracting and repelling gave me a little food for thought.

My conclusion is that compassion doesn’t need to be split apart as a word. I appreciate the compassion I’ve been shown from others. Sympathy, concern, love, care, encouragement, a smile, and so much more. In positive and negative experiences. I’d like to know better how to show compassion to others and myself. It’s a positive direction for me.

Part of my objective for writing and publishing a book about my experiences with sugar addiction is that it provides an opportunity for folks who have no idea what sugar addiction is like to have a little compassion for those who know it all too well. My book is not an excuse for my aches and pains, mood swings, obesity, and yo-yo dieting. It’s my experience of becoming aware and accepting that there are negative consequences for me if I don’t adapt my behaviors to manage my addiction.

My book is not a judgement on people who have health problems. And it’s not a “how to” magic bullet. It’s a realization that sometimes just snapping out of it or going on a diet is not a viable option. What it is, for me, is a record of where my compass has taken me when I’ve paid attention to how I feel and what I do and eat. It’s taken me to a place I thought it was impossible to get to. It’s taken me to me. And I can go on from here. I’m Possible. And you are too. With compassion.

What direction are you headed? Is there anything I can do to help?