Control.

via Daily Prompt: Control

I’m writing of my own free will
From a prompt that says control.
The thought that popped first in my head
I found a little droll.

On second thought, I sat up straight
And knew I had to write
A little more what’s been said before
Though some might think it trite.

I struggle with this word control
Addiction is a rage
And if I let it get to me
I’m a puppet on its stage.

So, control, I figure. What?
The L. I’ll add another L.
And then I see and say Con TROLL!
Perhaps it’s worth a yell!

A definite, purposeful, bright line yodel.
All the parts in a grand some total.
Or taking a leap, perhaps it’s toadal.

Crashing through a bored in the fridge,
The troll is waiting to offer a smidge
Of something that trips then feels disgraced.
The control that was had—now misplaced.

So yes, I’m against. Completely con troll.
I need to avoid it wherever I stroll.
When I’m hungry or completely full.

My lines can’t be drawn bright or dull in the sand.
Adhering sometimes and then other hand.
If my purpose for health is knocked for a loop
I end up thinking I’m a nincompoop.

But I’m not ‘cause I’m fighting the battle once more
It’s worth the effort and can’t be a chore.
I’m possible still and moving ahead.
I’m present and facing the future–alive and not dead.

Completely. Con troll.

The psychology of addiction is more than a prediction of what will happen if. The substance and psyche (whether you likey) often face off with a tiff. There are triggers and figures and shots and jiggers (although I’m not driven to drink). I must be aware and accept that it’s there and not let it change what I think.

I recently read the book Bright Line Eating. I also watched a series of videos posted by the author, Susan Pierce Thompson, PhD. She has a lot to say about the neuroscience behind food addiction. And I think she may be onto something with her automaticity plan to conquer it. It works for her and a lot of other people. She is passionate about it. And I could feel myself being excited about it, too. Her work explains a lot of what I’ve found to work for me.

I think she sincerely wants to help people. But she also wants to sell her boot camp experience and the things that go along with that. I bought her book, but I didn’t buy her boot camp. I felt a sense of renewed commitment to my plan of not eating between meals. I think I felt a little invincible for a little while yesterday and then realized a choice I had made was a danger signal to me. The issue was that I made a choice to buy a snack food to eat with my lunch. And then I had a bunch. That turned into more than I could handle.

I feel very grateful to know what to do to fix my slip up. I also feel very foolish that I had to enact those procedures again. (I imagine the reader’s response, “Doesn’t she EVER learn?”) But my big lesson right now is. Write now. Not for entertainment. Not because it needs to be a certain way for it to fit into this blog. For me. I’m Possible. It’s a journey. And I’m on it.

Slip ups don’t mean that I can’t fit into my clothes (although they fit better when the slip’s down). Slip ups don’t mean that I can’t run or walk or do yoga or jazzercise or sudoku and I’m totally out of shape and obese in an instant. It’s a journey with some scenic byways and some road construction. AAA (awareness, acceptance, and adaptation) are helping me with planning and also with emergency repairs as needed. I’m working on some safety issues, but I’m going to enjoy the ride.

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