A Reflection.

A Reflection.

The picture is a selfie of me trying on frames at Costco. I don’t have prescription glasses yet. But it’s looking more and more (een) like I’ll need them. At age 54, my eyes are pretty good. But I’m looking more and more for my readers.

The original picture showed my face, but when I saw my profile in the mirror, I thought I looked thin. And then, amused, I  thought, “Do these glasses make my ear look big?”

There’s a psychological phenomenon that might be called a land mine (at least in this brain, mine) that has to do with perceived image or maybe it’s called dysmorphia. It can lead to binge eating or other abuse. I know this from years of personal experience.

But the day I tried on these frames, I was in a good place (and I’m not talking about Costco). I was able to walk past bags of sweet potato chips and not look to see if there was any added sugar in the ingredients. I wasn’t looking for justification to buy something that should be fine for me to eat, but I know isn’t. I didn’t justify eating samples by saying it was still within an hour of when I ate a meal. I calmly found and bought what I needed without giving in to impulses. I was in control. Sugar wasnt.

I have plenty of stress and emotion in my life right now. Some is happy and some not so much. But I am not numbing myself with food. I won’t allow it. I can’t afford it. I dont want it.

This morning, when I checked the Weight Watchers Connect app, there was a prompt: How do you fight the sugar monster?  I’m  pretty sure it was related to Halloween candy.  But my thought was my addiction.

Candy doesn’t tempt me anymore. I remember what it tasted like and how it felt to eat it. And I know it would be just the same as I remember. I imagine-eat it in my head and I don’t have to face the dread of another sugar detox. It took a long time for me to get this. Read my book if you want more details.

In the meantime, here’s what I posted on Connect.

How do I fight the sugar monster? Well I prefer to keep it at bay. ‘Cause sugar is a drug to me, I simply must say, “Nay!” It can taunt and call to rein me in, but its voice has gotten hoarse. I simply do what keeps me clean and it’s just a matter of course. Of course I won’t eat sugar. I know what it can do. I won’t go back to grazing. I won’t be known as Moo. I say this with a bit of fear: I’ve slipped and fallen near–a ledge when emotion’s caused a tap to a subtle deceptive wedge. I know the warning signs. When I haven’t firmly said my “neins”. I thankfully notice and grab on tight when I feel that something is not right It’s not always easy but it’s so much less hard than when sugar had me in a prison yard. I couldn’t configure this post like a poem, but that’s what it is tapped in on my phone!

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