Sugar robbed me of my identity for years. At least it squelched it for years. Sugar robs me of my impulse controls. It impairs my better judgment and leaves me dazed and glazed like a donut.
Or maybe it’s a donot. Donot try something new because it probably won’t work. Donot try to be healthy because it’s impossible. Donot be more active because it’s easier to sit around and be obese. Donot think beyond the moment unless it’s to figure out what to eat next.
I’m afreud I don’t know much about psychology. But I do know there’s such a thing as the id entity. I would guess that sugar messes with the balance between the id, ego, and super ego. I’m not super proud of the years that were compromised with my undiagnosed sugar addiction, but they happened. I have reached a stage of thankfulness for knowing how to manage sugar so it doesn’t manage me.
To take another look at identity:I dent it y. That sounds like it could involve some violence. Or perhaps it relates to the phrase, I really made a dent in that (fill in the blank with something like chocolate mocha mousse). Why? That’s a tricky one.
For me, to make a “dent” in something that includes sugar means I’m open to identity theft. So I look at the “why” first. And think about the aftertaste. And the aftereffects of identity theft. (Actually, my history with sugar wasn’t to make a dent in something. It was to eat it all.)
To even have a taste is not worth it to me. I don’t take that “not” and turn it into a “why not” that could flippantly flip my identity to sugar, I take that not seriously and add “Hanks” to it. No. I’m not assuming another identity. I’m saying No tHanks. My name is Maureen and I’m a sugarholic.
I saw a quote the other day. It’s an anonymous one, but I can identify with it as a sugarholic. “I would rather go through life sober, believing I am an alcoholic, than go through life drunk, trying to convince myself I am not..” I’m reminded of a conversation I had with one of my uncles. We were talking about sugar addiction. I said that sometimes I think maybe sugar is not so bad and that I don’t really have to stay away from it and manage my eating the way I do. His response was, “You sound like an alcoholic.”
The thing about me and my sugarholism, though, is that I’ve proved it time and again. Usually it’s with a gain in weight and a decline in mental and physical health. Abstaining from sugar and managing a sugar addiction is a daily thing. Actually it’s a moment by moment thing. And if I let it slip to a mom-meant thing (as in: the intention was there, but it didn’t happen), I have to hold on tight to my identity or I will have to fight for it again.
Sugar and processed grains (they’re basically sugar for me) are everywhere. I’m human. Emotions and anxieties and other stresses can run wild. If I’m careful to keep using my tools (logging, jogging, and blogging), I’m strong. But sometimes I’m weak. Sometimes I make choices that make it hard for me later. I don’t dive head first into donuts, but there are times when I’ve overdosed on grazing between meals (even healthy foods are a trigger if I don’t eat them at mealtimes).
But I have found out that I’m worth fighting for. I crave clarity and feeling healthy more than the chaos of not using the tools that work for me. My tools work when I use them for a healthy me. What used to seem impossible has turned into I’m Possible. It’s not being a braggadocio. It’s a reality check. And when I take it seriously, it doesn’t bounce. The payoff is wonderful.